So… I’ve been plagued by doubt lately. A lot of the doubt. The kind of doubt that makes you stop writing a blog you’ve just started (cue laughter).
And while a lot of this doubt is tied to fear…it is also tied to laziness and oftentimes, superstition. That everything needs to be perfect-that you need the exact impetus and catalyst that fits perfectly into the fairy-tale story you may have created in your head. But…you know sometimes you must bite the bullet so to speak and just take the plunge and live out what you originally intended to create and represent in the first place…for it was a place where I could share some #sensitive material about what I was thinking about. Here’s the thing. I hate to say it, but our society can be very judgmental about what they see on the surface. If someone is having a really bad day, to the point where they don’t want to force themselves to exercise those facial muscles, they either get judged or people automatically assume they need help in some capacity. Maybe the way they are acting is simply just the best way for them to cope in that moment-and while I try to make this sound as palatable as possible, sometimes the dark heaviness of it all is really the best way to describe. It’s the sort of feeling you get where you can feel like you are in the wrong place at the wrong time, often many times a day. ‘
You could go to cafe where you just happen to want to order a sandwich and an ice tea, where you are the only one in the cafe that is sitting alone, and the only one who wants to write something on a Sunday afternoon and then gets told by the manager that it’s “no laptop Sundays (and won’t give you a to-go refill for an ice tea) :(. Now, I could go on to argue about the myriad of other things I deem to be overtly superficial and lacking substance in many other aspects of our society, but I’m not going to do that. The negativity and divide and potential denial is not worth the trouble to go into the details on this post. The main thing I think people should understand from this post, is that, everyone has doubts. Some doubts may be minimal–Did I wear the right outfit today? — to the serious and existential–Am I really living my life the way I want to? Is there an overall purpose to my life? The thing is, is that doubt is a perfectly natural, evolutionarily built in mechanism that we used primarily as early humans to stay alive when we approached that steep cliff or bear and decided, “yeah, I probably shouldn’t keep heading this direction.” Nowadays, since survival is not something we are generally too concerned about, from a first world perspective, we place our doubts on other aspects of our lives which we have evolved to now consider–Are we in the right job? Are we dating the right person? Did we choose the right gym (and membership) to keep us both fit and financially at ease?
I think however, that some doubt we may have nowadays may be irrational. We don’t always need to be overthinking everything we have done. After a while, it can get in the way, and be counter intuitive. It can also cause such unnecessary thinking to not only become a habit, but an overall crutch.
I think we need to release such thoughts, which only adds baggage to our lives, just like baggage off a car, or our backs. There is no reason to sacrifice living fully in the now and being happy by continuously dwelling and doubting about why you did something or what you’re about to do. It simply isn’t worth it. Trust me. It stopped my writing for a few weeks. But I’m back and here to stay! Don’t doubt your greatness. Go forward! Do it!
-Funny Fearful Guy of the Unknown