This one goes out to…the one who doubts

Doubt has crossed my mind a lot lately.  Whether what I am doing right now are the right choices, the right things that will ultimately lead me on the path to me not only living my own best possible life, but also improving the lives of others in the process.  It is true, in a sense, that both of these intentions I have set for my life-living my own best possible life and improving the lives of authors-could be deemed as selfish, ego-driven desires on my part that I really have no reason to spout about.  However, for me, I can’t help but fall back on the things I value-that is, living authentically and creatively appropriate as possible-and therefore living my own best life and helping others serve as the cornerstones of what I stand for in my existence.

However, when I look back on my own previous experiences, or other’s experiences-doubt was always there, lurking behind.  Before I ever acted on stage before, I doubted that I had the guts to get up in front of a crowd of people and perform something where I was going to be judged-the thought terrified me and therefore I shied away from any formal type of acting training until circumstance thrust me into it.  Oddly enough, the circumstance that led me there was actually due to the removal of me caring about another activity I had super high expectations for-playing baseball on the high school team-and therefore the leap into the void of acting was one that was likely more subconsciously driven yet met little resistance because the doubt I’d experienced earlier no longer held its power-it was definitely still there, but something more important was taking it’s place-the chance for me to finally prove myself after the expectation I had for a previous activity-baseball-had not been fulfilled (still love baseball though.)

I think this lesson can be transferred to any facet of life-and it follows one of my favorite quotes that is, “sometimes it isn’t about what the task or job is, it’s just about what is needed to be done.”  I found this on a Meyers-Briggs personality website, and it resonates so much with me because it gets to the heart of the matter of motivation in terms of daily living.  There isn’t any kind of concern with what other people think, with what my parents think, or what my dog thinks,  It isn’t about what I think society expects from me, what my country thinks of me, or what the girl who works the front desk of the gym thinks of me-it’s literally about what needs to be done this very moment that is of upmost importance.

Doubt is something I’ve encountered a lot lately.  I’ve wondered if I need to see outright success right away in order to validate the path I am on.  Some signs of promise have been revealed through small, yet significant breakthroughs.

Doubt tests us in our most painful, darkest moments.  How we respond to doubt reveals our true character.  So, I challenge you to view doubt not as a detriment, but as a test to you that you really want whatever you are after in life.  Know that you’ve got a friend here to help you along your way.

Without Doubt,

Funny Fearful Guy

I am inspired now, via the 2017 Los Angeles Dodgers

I am inspired now.  Because of the Dodgers.

I am inspired now.  I had somewhat of a rough week in some ways, or at least so I thought, in the relativity of my own life.  While I pursue my acting career, I auditioned and had two callbacks, no offer for either them.  No worries, just keep on rolling.  Driving on Saturday, I was rear ended driving due to a faulty navigation glitch that game out of nowhere.  No worries.  Yesterday, neck a little stiff, I still edged myself out of my bed at 8 am in the morning to get ready for another audition.  Well, before that, I spoke with insurance, and then went to audition.  I took an Uber pool, met some amazing people, including a dancer and friend of hers visiting from Dallas, had an amazing conversation with the Uber driver (who I wish I could give 6 stars), went into the audition rooms, and just left all of what I wanted to do on the stage (literally, in the form of words).  I then pledged to continue to meet up with a friend of mine whom I hadn’t seen in a long time to brainstorm a project idea we had come up with a year ago, but I took the scenic route by train to appreciate our cities’ beautiful neighborhoods.  I met up with my friend, neck a little stiff, but I was still determined to catch up with him and  brainstorm ideas for a project we want to create together.  I was so glad I did, because I left feeling both more accomplished and connected to my friend, who I hadn’t seen in over a year.  I went home, took a well-deserved nap, woke up, and then it happened.

I watched the 2017 Dodgers do what they always do-find a way to win, even when they are down, when they are feeling the pain, when all hope seems lost.  And to add to it, all against their feared rivals, the San Francisco Giants, the team, who, although has struggled greatly this year and is literally the antithesis of the Dodgers, still strike fear in the bottom of every Dodger fans heart.  I’ll admit, I respect the San Francisco Giants, as gut wrenching as that may be.  It seems like I was about to dole out more respect for a team that never gives a game away to the Dodgers, but then, it happened.  Uber-talented (see what I did there) and formerly mercurial right fielder Yasiel Puig continued his 2017 dependability and consistency, and tied the game in the ninth.  Later, in the 11th inning, the Giants found a way to possibly steal the win away from the Dodgers when they scored on a flare through center field.  The sting of previous Dodger losses and seasons that feel so far away this year suddenly came haunting back.  Chris Taylor, a quiet and pleasantly surprising hero from this year who has brilliantly filled in the absence of long tenured and consistent fan favorite, Andre Ethier, was unable to produce in the clutch in this game.  No matter.  No worries.  Unlike previous Dodger seasons, where only a few clutch players were dependable, with names like Matt Kemp, The Ramirez’s (Hanley and Manny,) and Adrian Gonzalez, this Dodger team points to no one in particular to find a way to produce in the clutch.  Even the fresh off the farm rookie making his MLB debut, Kyle Farmer, maintained composure and focus while 50,000 plus fans cheered from all directions against an underperforming but determined Giants team who wanted this win more than anything just to show they could beat the infallible 2017 Los Angeles Dodgers.  But the Giants couldn’t beat them.  The spirit of persistence, focus, and resilience once again guided the Boys in Blue to another miraculous victory, a victory that lifted this life-long Dodger fan off his couch and suddenly forget about all the slings and arrows that may have been thrown at him this past week.  The Dodgers find a way to extinguish their demons whenever they may come because they have the heart, soul, patience, and focus of literally living in the moment, making no excuses, and executing every swing, throw, catch, and stolen base as if it’s the first one they’ve achieved all season.  That’s a formula for success, folks.  The formula for a winning season.  A championship team (there, I said it-the magic of this team shall protect any hex or jinx #Let’sGoDodgers)

These 2017 Dodgers are something else.

Most importantly, the resilience of this Dodger team is a powerful metaphor to use in life, no matter what background, ethnicity, nationality, occupation, or political leaning a person may have.  If anything, this is the emphasis of this post:  There is no reason to wallow in the past or stress about the future.  The present moment holds the key to fulfillment and happiness.  Eckhart Tolle and Alan Watts speak about this all the time, and newer voices such as Alexi Panos and Prince Ea are preaching this same gift we have.  The ability to simply live in the moment, in the present.  When we do that, just as the 2017 Dodgers do and I’ll admit, the 2010, 2012, and 2014 San Francisco Giants did, is we don’t need to wish or desire for things to happen.  We don’t fear for things happening that we may not have liked in the past.  Instead, we focus and live fully in the moment we are in.  That is the true definition of living.


Happy Monday Everyone.  Here’s to Peace and Living in the Moment,


Funny Fearful Guy



Be Present! In the Moment!

Still from “Living in the Moment” by Jason Mraz

One thing I’ve been realizing lately is that when I am present, and no longer focused on the past, future, hypothetical, caught up in an emotion that only exists because I am giving meaning to it, I am at complete peace and fulfillment.  It’s as if I finally realized that all this extra bull**** that was floating around in my head is completely released, like crude oil from a fuel tanker or pus out of a bothersome zit (I apologize for those graphics, but the crude oil bit actually bothers me more.)

The other day, I was really caught up in emotions about what I was doing with my life overall and why had made certain choices about career path, yadda yadda yadda, when I was suddenly struck by the sheer beauty that was the azure sky that was slowly turning a deeper and deeper shade of blue as the sun sett behind the mountains and trees around me.  Everything I was fearing and thinking about before suddenly became irrelevant to me.  I was simply awestruck at this beauty around me, and was caught in the present moment.  I’ve read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and listened to many of Allen Watts’ presentations, interview, and soliloquies about the power of thought and living in the moment, but I always felt kind of phony trying to summon up the ability to be present in that moment.  However, it was on this night of the azure blue sky that I was kindly brought into the present moment by some mysterious, although welcomed catalyst, this energy, or spirit, even.  All of my troubles floated away, because I realized in that moment in the grand scheme of things I really had no troubles-that there was no reason for me to have troubles because the only thing that mattered in that moment was absorbing the natural beauty in front of me.

Alan Watts is the epitome of being a Spiritual Gangster

Now, I wish I could tell you this feeling lasted indefinitely, and I still feel this now.  Unfortunately, I have not nearly returned to that feeling of freedom with the complete embrace of the present moment.  I have, however, begun to appreciate and recognize when I may be dwelling on aspects of my life that really do me no benefit to dwell on, such as why I had or hadn’t taken actions in the past, or what I should be doing in the future.  And it is probably better that I have not continued to live in this sort of pure beauty thinking way.  One thing I have been trying to execute more is simply letting things happen naturally, without having to over-think and try to make it happen.  It sure does take the stress off of me having to determine how circumstances should unfold.  I find, instead, when I simply just do what feels right in the moment, that eventually everything works its way out naturally, and I still feel safe and like myself, only more informed and experienced than I was before.

So, with that, let’s all try to live more in the moment and let things happen-our actions will follow based on what we simply allow rather than control.

Jason Mraz has a great song about this too that you should listen to.  

In Good Spirits,

Funny Fearful Guy of the Unknown


Things Happen When They Happen; Go Ahead, Make YOUR Day!

“Go ahead, make your day”-alternate version-Clint Eastwood would approve

There are many quotes about the inevitability of events happening.  These can range from Martin Luther King, Jr, to Napoleon, Angela Davis, the list could go on and on.  The point is that things happen.  Things that are both within and without our control.  I firmly believe we function to our fullest in terms of productivity, relational matters, mentally, and spiritually when we let go of what we cannot control but fiercely steer what we can control.  All with some degree of level-headedness, of course.  Just because you want to be President doesn’t mean you can just jump over the white house gate, open the door to the Oval Office, and say you are now the President (though some would take that option out of desperation.)  What you can control is your path to get to your fulfilling goals.

“It’s all yours! Just go sit in the seat! We’ll take you!”

I used to relent in all the things that were preventing me from doing what I wanted to do (including this blog!)  It went from that I was too “normal,” wasn’t creative enough, wasn’t attractive enough, wasn’t big enough, wasn’t sexy enough…I had a million excuses.  And then one day I just said, screw it.  Sure, there are things I can’t control NOW, but there are so many things that I can control, one the most important being ATTITUDE.  Think about it like this.  When you are full after eating food, you usually don’t think about how hungry you are (or were.)  It is not (or no longer is) a big deal to find food that you can eat to give you energy and keep you happy, moving, and thinking.  Now think about when you are hungry.  When you are hungry, and I mean REALLY hungry, the majority of your focus is on locating food.  Even if you are also doing something else like driving, talking to a friend, or reading a blog ;), you are subconsciously still thinking about food.

Homer is motivated by his hunger…namely donuts.

So how am I connecting hunger with attitude?  What if we equivocated our motivation to get food when we are not just hungry, but STARVING, with the desire to take action on the things we can control in our life.  Huh?  Doesn’t sound like an impossible task now.  In fact, it may even MOTIVATE you to take action, as if you have to take the action to satisfy your satiation to TAKE ACTION ON WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL.  From here, you may not get exactly what you might have been expecting, but there will definitely be some type of reaction.  Even if that reaction is stagnation, rejection, or just pure nothingness.  It technically is still something because you TOOK ACTION instead of just passively letting fate, nature, time, the Gods, whatever you want to call it, simply move through that window of opportunity in which you could have taken action.  If anything, even if your actions on what you can control yield little to no results, you will inevitably gain the experience of acting upon something that directly impacted you no matter what.  And if you really want to feel something, you can at least laugh at yourself for trying, failing, or succeeding.  It’s hard to laugh at yourself for doing nothing.  That’s just plain sad.  So go ahead, MAKE YOUR DAY, in the spirit of Dirty Harry, though keep it classy, folks.

In Good Taste,

Funny, Fearful Guy of the Unknown

Trumped Again: Au Revoir, Paris!

So, you probably all know about our fearless leader Donald Trump and his plans to withdraw from the Paris Climate Agreement. Well, if you don’t, the coverage is here. from a self-proclaimed conservative website, so no excessive liberal bias here. Basically, Trump is upset that the current climate deal punishes the United States too much for the amount of Green House emissions we project into the atmosphere. Well, how else do we discourage Big Oil and Big Corporate from continuously pumping fossil crap into our atmosphere. I mean, seriously! As the biggest polluter, doesn’t the USA deserve to be taxed more for our carbon emissions? It’s not like the money is just disappearing into the thin air. It will help communities pay for the services and upkeep of sustainable energies. Trump wants to dilly-dally and “renegotiate” a deal that he claims will be better for out country. In reality, I hate to ruin his idealized vision, but he wants to find a way to keep his upper-crust friends happy-since they are continuing to support him as the United States’ esteemed leader.

How could one NOT extend any deal that was born in the beautiful City of Paris, City of Light!

Ah, I could on and on with my liberal view-point but the main point, without sounding cliché, is that we, the people, can influence change. There is little use in complaining when you can organize, take action, call Senators and House Representatives. Not to toot my own horn, but I have done just that and it feels GREAT to exercise my democracy. Yes, it was scary at first, just like it was scary for me to write my first blog post. But, I did it. And it felt REALLY GOOD. So, my friends, whether it be the crazy political time we live or simply your own decision to finally got up off the couch and do what you’ve been THINKING but never DOING, then this, my post, is a cheers to you. Seriously.  Try what you’ve always thought of trying, even if you have that doubtful voice in your head that says, “What’s the point. You’re not going to stick to it anyways. And I want to make some money!” Doesn’t matter. Get up, start doing it, and keep doing. This worked for me when I wanted to start getting in shape, helped my study habits in high school and college, and I am planning of having this model assist me in my blogging career. Environmental groups are doing this. Jason Alexander, George Constanza on Seinfeld, failed 1,000 times before he booked a single role in television or film.  Oprah was fired from many jobs as a reporter before she made it big. You’ve got to keep going. I could go with quotes like, “There is Nothing to Fear, but Fear Itself!” but I think you catch my drift. And so what, if you fail, you can always look at it from a comical perspective.

In Good Taste,

Funny, Fearful Guy of the Unknown


First blog post!

Hello world! Wow! That actually took a lot of guts for me just to write that sentence. That’s right, up to my 24 years and 5 month existence, this is the first blog post I have ever written. It was terrifying to even think about, but now that I have done it, it is an absolute relief! I really never thought this day would come! Well, I think I did know it would come, it just took me so darn long to finally put to press the keys and get my thoughts up here! Anyways, it’s good to have that out of the way.

I intend to use this blog space as a place where I can express my current experiences as I navigate through the heart of my twenties and hopefully connect with others of you who can relate to this. I would say the three big themes of what I have experienced up to this point in my life are emblematic of the title of this post and overall blog: Funny, Fearful, and Unknown. That’s right. Those are probably the three main emotions I carry with me as I navigate this time of my life when societally I feel I have been given free reign to journey off into the world and make something of myself when in reality I wish there was some sort of God-like mentor figure with a long white beard leading me along the path to my greatest destiny while offering me pithy statements of encouragement that make me feel warm and cosy inside. In short, it would be like Gandalf the Grey/White is to Frodo Baggins or Dumbledore is to Harry Potter. Obviously, it’s not like that, but please let me stand corrected if someone has met a brilliant wizardly-figure-like mentor! I am extremely envious of you.

This guy would make an awesome mentor.

Since I lack the apprenticeship to a sorcerer, up to this point in my life, I have mainly observed the many relationships I have had with people as a sort of compass for me to follow and fulfill my destiny of expressing myself. There have been many moments when meeting the right person has led to new opportunities, but one thing that has been on my mind lately is that of following my own destiny on my own terms. Instead of relying the approval and dependence of others to further me along my path, I realize it is my own personal truth, as hard as it is to swallow, to create this path for myself. As a millenial who grew up in the abundant and hopeful time of the 90s, it is really within this past year that I have realized that there is no longer a person or a system that is there to be holding my hand all the time. I have to break off the training wheels I’ve had on the “bicycle of my life” and learn to balance of my own, spread my mature wings out of the nest in which I was raised, or [insert allegory describing personal growth or maturity].

Yay! No training wheels!!! But, on second thought…

Therefore friends, it is with great enthusiasm (along with a lot of fear and humor of the unknown) that I share my process of “adulting” with you. By now means am I trying to force you readers to be empathetic, amused, disturbed, or flat out bored with my musings. I am merely trying to connect with you in this vast shared virtual world we refer to as the web (or internet, if you want to get fancy.) I hope you’ll enjoy my ride as much as I do (which I’m really hoping I do )


Funny Fearful Guy of the Unknown